My freshman year of college at Moorhead State University (now Minnesota State University Moorhead) was not a pleasant one.
My first assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was eventually kicked out of the building by our third floor RA. He went on to become a wanted cult leader and was featured in the “Cults, Religion & Mind Control” episode of E!’s THS Investigates.
My second assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was a fellow who brought and stored an AK-something and a couple of full ammo cans in our dorm room. Blah blah Russian made blah blah Chinese assault blah blah semi-automatic but blah blah filed the blah blah now fully automatic blah blah. On more than one occasion, I’d come home and open the dorm room door to find him naked on his lower dorm bunk, cleaning his rifle. Not a euphemism, although it is also a euphemism. One evening while I was at work, our dorm room was raided by a cop/fed combo and after the RA filled me in later that night, I never saw him or heard about him again.
But the worst part of my freshman year was a TV commercial for Friendly Motors that aired late at night. In it, there was a portly man wearing a white suit and white cowboy hat like Boss Hogg on The Dukes of Hazzard. There might’ve been a donkey or mule standing beside him in the car lot. The man wore a mask and opened the commercial with, “Hi! I’m the Loan Arranger!”
I still have nightmares.
They later demolished Neumaier Hall. I assume they did that so that nobody else had to go through what I went through.
At least they tried.
As I trudged through this rambling, convoluted bit of century-old writing, I started to hear it in the voice of Mojo Jojo (Roger L. Jackson) from The Powerpuff Girls and it suddenly became much, much better.
It still doesn’t explain the blacksmith though.Continue reading
I was at Cascade’s website trying to figure out the difference between Cascade Platinum and Cascade Complete and didn’t see the “Of Clorox” in the list under “Cascade With The Power” and I would totally buy Cascade With The Power instead of Cascade Platinum or Cascade Complete.
Let’s make this happen, people!
I have several questions.
Does Coke taste even better if you tilt the bottle up that high as you’re drinking it?
Did Santa pound that bottle cap into the Coca-Cola’s Sprite Boy’s forehead?
Does it mind control, lobotomize or zombify poor Sprite Boy?
Was Sprite Boy a naughty boy and this is his punishment?
If sprites are tiny, just how tiny are those tiny reindeer?
Seriously, that bottle cap looks like it hurts. Just look at his eyes.
Trivia: Coca-Cola didn’t introduce Sprite until 1961, which makes Sprite Boy pre-Sprite.
I’m sure it all made sense at the time.