Tag Archives: marketing

Danimals — The Tenth Circle of Advertising Hell

Actual transcript from a Danimals commercial:

Girl: “What’s with the cool music?”
Boy: “We’ve been squeezefaced!”
Girl: “Squeezefaced?”
Boy: “From the deliciousness of Danimals Squeezables! Wanna get your squeeze on?”
Girl: “Bring it on!”
Boy: “Whoa! Cool!”
Girl: “It’s so good!”
Boy: “This is awesome!”
Boy: “Double squeezeface!
Girl: “Look!”
Boy: “Whoa!”
Girl: “Wanna try one?”
Principal: “Wow!”
Boy and Girl: “School rocks!”
Girl: “New Danimals Squeezables!”
Boy: “Squeeze more fun into lunch!”

When I’m feeling sad, I simply remember that I don’t work on the Dannon Danimals account and then I don’t feel so bad.

An ordinary wallet can cost you over a hundred dollars…

An ordinary wallet can cost you over a hundred dollars… if you are a total friggin’ idiot and/or it is made with albino rhino penis skin.

With great expectations come great disappointments.

The promise.

The reality.


“Well, that sucked.” — The Other Side of Branding

It’s happened to most of us at least once.

You’re at home watching television or some of your favorite skateboarding ferret videos on YouTube when a commercial comes on. It’s a pretty good commercial. It gets your attention and, after watching it, you form a positive opinion of the product and/or service it was advertising. In this instance, let’s say the ad was for a restaurant chain. The staff was friendly, the food looked great, the atmosphere seemed inviting and everybody seemed to be having a great time.

Hooray! The advertisement has worked and thanks to you forming an opinion, you are now part of the glorious branding experience. Continue reading

When Poets Sell Out — 7 Shameless Examples of Product Placement in Poetry

There are more than a few people who bemoan the proliferation of product placement in today’s entertainment world, but unbeknownst to them, this is not a recent phenomenon. For centuries now, highly respected poets have turned themselves into blemished bards by skillfully plopping a brand into their work in exchange for a bit of money (or a decent bottle of absinthe). After a bit of research, I have found seven blatant examples of this foul practice that you might not have noticed back in English Lit class. Continue reading