(transcribed from a 15 second commercial during Saturday morning cartoons)
__________
Here it comes! The first cupcake cereal ever!
♬ New Cupcake Pebbles! ♬
(Wha-ho!)
♬ Party in a box! ♬
(Mmmm!)
♬ Tastes yummy like a cupcake! ♬
♬ Makes you wanna rock! ♬
(Woo-hoo!)
New Post Cupcake Pebbles! Partofagoodbreakfast.
♬ Party in a box! ♬
(Yum-yum!)
__________
Idiocracy is now, and it’s frosting-flavored.

Sold in the United States as “Sour Puckerooms Gummies”, I think we now know how Mr. Wonka controls his poor Oompa-Loompas and the general Oompa-Loompa population.

We can only hope and pray that he never brings Wonka’s Doompety Doo to market.

When casting hand models for your commercials, sometimes it’s a good policy to find out if they’re colorblind.

Back in 1925, an advertising phenomenon was born with the Burma-Shave highway sign campaign, eventually rhyming its way across America and up to the number two brand/sales position for brushless shaving cream. Since then, Burma-Shave’s legendary star may have fallen, but the time is right to hit the information highway and resurrect this legendary product and campaign for the short attention spans and precariously erratic grooming habits of the Internet age. Myself included.

So without further ado, here’s 21 brand-spanking-new Burma-Shave rhyming-type poems to get things rolling again in 2010:

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The Cold Companion Cube, from Apple.

In times of yore, candy cigarettes were blamed for hooking untold millions of children on the joys of smoking. With that in mind, is it just a coincidence that the Ring Pop lollipop is similar in size and shape to a very particular posterior product that’s usually only sold via adult retailers, or is it something more?

chart #1 in adtothebone’s ambiguous, gray and hard-to-read chart series

It looks neato, but let’s face it, kiddos – Making the Chili’s Grill & Bar chile pepper logo out of bell peppers is like selling Victoria’s Secret lingerie by showing Jay Leno in a man-girdle and hernia truss.

Commercials: 29%
Bob Costas: 18%
NBC Promos: 13%
Random Polar Bear Documentaries: 5%
Explaining About Canada, Metric System: 18%
Investigating Mysterious Lack of Penguins: 3%
Actual Olympic Footage (Time Delay): 15%

While cleaning out some storage space today, we unearthed a bit of tech history that Cupertino thought lost forever – the original and still-working Apple proof of concept iPod prototype (codenamed “iHernia”) from 1999. Luckily, they figured out how to scale the thing down by 2001.

How it ended up in the storage basement of a Bismarck, North Dakota ad agency, nobody seems to know, but now the bigger question is: “Museum or eBay?”