Featured post

Just my type.

I thought I had a chance at this wonderfully odd Williams typewriter invented by John Newton Williams and the first typewriter where the typist could actually see what they just typed (Williams also invented one of the first helicopters and a 3-cylinder motorcycle). It was the first item up for auction. The typewriter went for $1,200. I did not have a chance.

Featured post

Armour Hot Dogs Jingle 2019

♬ Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs.
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks,
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox,
But not kids with measles,
Because thanks to their anti-vax parents,
They are now dead and can no longer
Love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs.
The dogs kids love to bite! 

Featured post

Everyone would be in love with me.

The kid who sings about wishing to be an Oscar Mayer wiener suffers from childhood deprivation, acting out in desperation to fill the void that cannot be filled. He will soon be consumed by his own emotional hunger, forever longing like a withered gas station roller dog.

Featured post

It’s not the meat, it’s the motion.

Tsk. She can do better.
Featured post

…and one thing to not make.

Featured post

A Pain in the Asterisk

Looks like Barnes & Noble might soon have to replace the Paranormal Teen Romance section with a Sassy Self Help and Personal Growth Books with Barely Bleeped Sweary Titles section.

Continue reading
Featured post

Make Asbestos Great Again

The late-1940s Marshall-Wells Company had you covered for all your asbestos needs.

Continue reading
Featured post

“Does this transmitter make my ass look big?”

The inspiration for the 1970s children’s classic, “The Little Penguin Who Hated Science”.

Featured post

Get a grippe.

Thanks to this display at an auction, I now know that influenza/flu used to be known as the grippe.

Featured post

The thresher of the period and a mystery for the ages.

I stayed out of the bidding on a few auction items I wanted, but eventually managed to land this sweet Aultman & Taylor thresher advertising poster as my 2nd and last North Star auction win of the day. It has a pretty savage old-timey insult on their competition I liked, calling them “superior to the flail and an improvement on the devices of ancient Egypt.” It wasn’t until I got it home that I saw a label on the back from the Art Conservation Resource Center — Somebody paid to have this poster restored and preserved back in 1988. Interesting. Further digging found a similar but not exact version of this poster selling for $1,300, and another similar poster with an auction estimate range of $3,000-$6,000. A third one sold in 2012 for $950. The ones I found online have a big “The Aultman-Taylor Thresher and Mounted Horse Power for sale by” underneath the illustration, and mine has a tiny “Chas. Shober & Co., Prop’s Chicago Lith’g Co.” down there. No year listed online or anywhere on the print, and I’m not sure if a restored piece is worth more or less or why mine is different from the ones I found online, but this is still all kinds of neat. Hooray for auctions!

(And if any of you have any clue as to the approximate year this was made, please share!)

Continue reading
Featured post

For Constipation and Biliousness

I am pleased to say I went home with the true jewel of the auction.

Featured post

they bend… they flex… they’re light as air. the lightest shoes that you can wear!

I was going to bid on this Enna Jettick motorized shoe display (the cat bends the shoe) at an auction, but it quickly went north of a hundred bucks so I behaved myself. Very cool demonstration idea, especially for the era. #branding #display #marketing

Featured post

Me not realizing when a girl is flirting with me.

Featured post

Monday

My office phone buzzed.

Telemarketer on line one.

I turned to reply.

The back of my timeworn office chair gave.

The chair tipped.

The chair fell.

I tipped.

I fell.

Somehow, I was still in the chair.

Several seconds passed.

“Send them to voicemail, please.”

Monday.

Featured post

Ladies, it’s time to clip your poodles.

Not the most elegant of euphemisms, but effective nonetheless.

Clark's Poodle Clippers
Found in a 1902 issue of Country Life
Featured post

Wisdom

Whisper admonished me for failing to reach a zen state because I stress about things I should no longer care about.

“If you give somebody a perfectly grilled steak and they take it and slather shampoo and gravel all over it and then complain that it isn’t any good, that’s on them, not you. Meow.”

Whisper is wise.

Featured post

A lovely morning for a cart ride at Bully Pulpit Golf Course in Medora, North Dakota II — The location scouting adventure continues.

Featured post

It’s nice to get out of the office for some location scouting now and then.

Featured post

Tigger’s Nightmare

Featured post

Frosh

My freshman year of college at Moorhead State University (now Minnesota State University Moorhead) was not a pleasant one.

My first assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was eventually kicked out of the building by our third floor RA. He went on to become a wanted cult leader and was featured in the “Cults, Religion & Mind Control” episode of E!’s THS Investigates.

My second assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was a fellow who brought and stored an AK-something and a couple of full ammo cans in our dorm room. Blah blah Russian made blah blah Chinese assault blah blah semi-automatic but blah blah filed the blah blah now fully automatic blah blah. On more than one occasion, I’d come home and open the dorm room door to find him naked on his lower dorm bunk, cleaning his rifle. Not a euphemism, although it is also a euphemism. One evening while I was at work, our dorm room was raided by a cop/fed combo and after the RA filled me in later that night, I never saw him or heard about him again.

But the worst part of my freshman year was a TV commercial for Friendly Motors that aired late at night. In it, there was a portly man wearing a white suit and white cowboy hat like Boss Hogg on The Dukes of Hazzard. There might’ve been a donkey or mule standing beside him in the car lot. The man wore a mask and opened the commercial with, “Hi! I’m the Loan Arranger!”

I still have nightmares.

They later demolished Neumaier Hall. I assume they did that so that nobody else had to go through what I went through.

Featured post

McCall’s was gorgeous in 1946.

Once one of The Seven Sisters, McCall’s, along with Ladies’ Home Journal, is sadly no more.
Featured post

Astigmatism

Am I the only one who grew up thinking “astigmatism” was “stigmatism”?

“You have a stigmatism.”
“I have a what?”
“A stigmatism.”
“A stigmatism? Am I dying?”
“No, but when you get older, your contact lenses will be hella spendy.”

(later, to self) “…Lenses?”

Featured post

The Busiest Damn Kitten on Amazon

While shopping on Amazon for stuff for my cats — Yes, I have cats. — a certain kitten caught my eye. And then caught my eye again. And again. And again. And… well, who know how many times it actually shows up, but here are a few I found. Truly, this is the busiest damn kitten on Amazon.

Continue reading
Featured post

A Beauty from Anheuser-Busch

I love this.

My other car is a clydesdale.

Featured post

Millennials millennialate millennialications millennially. #millennials

millennials
Hey! Millennials!

Featured post

“Ladies.”