Store display poster for M•A•C and Star Trek — Brilliant!

M•A•C and Star Trek

They made it so.

For when simply lame just won’t do.

la mer

what a croc

In Vogue.

In Vogue.

They’re so not cool that they’re cool… to the point of not being cool again… which makes them cool again… making people realize they’re not cool… which isn’t just cool… it’s tres cool… so very not cool.

So… Are you pro-Crocs or no-Crocs?

An Open Letter from Chester Cheetah

Dear America,  Please stop referring to Donald Trump as a “Cheeto”.  Cheetos are a deliciously cheesy snack.  Donald Trump is a dangerous, narcissistic and delusional sociopath.  I hope that clears things up.  Thank you.  Sincerely, Chester Cheetah

A special message from Ernie “The Gurney” Keeber

Ernie "The Gurney" Keebler

After a full day of ritualistically bludgeoning hookers to death, relax with a handful of delicious Keebler Town House Flatbread Crisps!

Pokémon or questionable genital nickname?



Alone in a Park at Night

Last night, I went walking down by the river, looking for Pokémon (It’s exercise!). The sun had set a while before, so things were pretty dark except for the occasional working light in Keelboat Park.

From almost beyond the reach of the light, a man emerged from the parking lot. “Speak Spanish?”

I shook my head and said no.

Approaching me, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, opened an app and spoke into it. The autotranslation was a jumble and he quickly realized it so he tried again with something different.

The translation on the phone said, “look like a woman with a child”.

My first thought was, “Is he calling me fat?”

He was friendly so I dismissed that.

He then pantomimed pushing something at waist height.

Ah! Yes. I had seen a woman pushing a baby stroller down the walking path a few minutes earlier.

I nodded, copied his stroller-pushing movement and pointed the direction I saw her go.

“Five? Ten?”

“Five minutes, yes.” as I held up my hand and five fingers, because I’m a dork.

He said thanks and was walking back to his truck when he turned back around and asked, “Short?”

“Yes, short.” as I held up my hand to about my belly, because she was short and I’m a dork.

He said thanks again and headed off. Nice guy.

I’m glad that you don’t have to speak English to be in this country, because otherwise I would have even less of a story to tell.

Also, he made more sense than many of the English-speaking people I know.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the ending of a radio ad for the Sprint Unlimited Freedom Plan.

Beauty is in the eye of the beh… AHHHHHHH!

I saw this floor display for Mission Athletic Care in our local Lowe’s Home Improvement store and I can’t decide if this assembled quirk is a design fail or design win.

Eye caramba!

Eye caramba!

Let’s call it a fawin.

Sometimes my contact lenses feel like this.

Sometimes my contact lenses feel like this.

PetSmart proved it has smarts with Pokémon GO.

I got a powerful Pokémon and a ten buck gift card by playing inside a PetSmart. Nice!

I got a powerful Pokémon and a ten buck gift card by playing inside a PetSmart. Nice!

I’m not sure if this was an isolated, local endeavor done on a whim or a franchise-wide effort, but as I walked into my town’s PetSmart on Sunday, I noticed a sandwich board by the door with something about Pokémon GO handwritten on it. I didn’t stop to read the details, but it did get me to open the app and I somehow managed to catch a sweet Hypno Pokémon with CP880 (that’s a good thing) in the litter box aisle while an amused stockboy watched me flailing around with my iPhone.

I only caused minimal damage to the merchandise. Continue reading