Pokémon or questionable genital nickname?

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Bulbasaur
Charmander
Weedle
Beedrill
Pidgey
Spearow
Vulpix
Jigglypuff
Oddish
Mankey
Poliwag
Machop
Bellsprout
Tentacruel
Graveler
Slowpoke
Dewgong
Grimer
Cloyster
Gastly
Krabby
Cubone
Lickitung
Rhyhorn
Horsea
Electabuzz
Pinsir
Ninetales
Gyarados
Flareon
Snorlax
Squirtle

Alone in a Park at Night

Last night, I went walking down by the river, looking for Pokémon (It’s exercise!). The sun had set a while before, so things were pretty dark except for the occasional working light in Keelboat Park.

From almost beyond the reach of the light, a man emerged from the parking lot. “Speak Spanish?”

I shook my head and said no.

Approaching me, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, opened an app and spoke into it. The autotranslation was a jumble and he quickly realized it so he tried again with something different.

The translation on the phone said, “look like a woman with a child”.

My first thought was, “Is he calling me fat?”

He was friendly so I dismissed that.

He then pantomimed pushing something at waist height.

Ah! Yes. I had seen a woman pushing a baby stroller down the walking path a few minutes earlier.

I nodded, copied his stroller-pushing movement and pointed the direction I saw her go.

“Five? Ten?”

“Five minutes, yes.” as I held up my hand and five fingers, because I’m a dork.

He said thanks and was walking back to his truck when he turned back around and asked, “Short?”

“Yes, short.” as I held up my hand to about my belly, because she was short and I’m a dork.

He said thanks again and headed off. Nice guy.

I’m glad that you don’t have to speak English to be in this country, because otherwise I would have even less of a story to tell.

Also, he made more sense than many of the English-speaking people I know.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the ending of a radio ad for the Sprint Unlimited Freedom Plan.

Beauty is in the eye of the beh… AHHHHHHH!

I saw this floor display for Mission Athletic Care in our local Lowe’s Home Improvement store and I can’t decide if this assembled quirk is a design fail or design win.

Eye caramba!

Eye caramba!

Let’s call it a fawin.

Sometimes my contact lenses feel like this.

Sometimes my contact lenses feel like this.

PetSmart proved it has smarts with Pokémon GO.

I got a powerful Pokémon and a ten buck gift card by playing inside a PetSmart. Nice!

I got a powerful Pokémon and a ten buck gift card by playing inside a PetSmart. Nice!

I’m not sure if this was an isolated, local endeavor done on a whim or a franchise-wide effort, but as I walked into my town’s PetSmart on Sunday, I noticed a sandwich board by the door with something about Pokémon GO handwritten on it. I didn’t stop to read the details, but it did get me to open the app and I somehow managed to catch a sweet Hypno Pokémon with CP880 (that’s a good thing) in the litter box aisle while an amused stockboy watched me flailing around with my iPhone.

I only caused minimal damage to the merchandise. Continue reading

Long forgotten, but not long overdue.

Last night, I remembered a book I stumbled upon but never checked out while researching ball lightning for a paper in the University of North Dakota geology library a quarter of a century ago. It didn’t quite belong in a geology library (or in the nonfiction section), but I’m glad it was there.

In the book, the author told of a hitherto undiscovered land where an assortment of fantastic little critters lived who had evolved adaptations a la Galápagos/Darwin. It had wonderful illustrations and seemed to be written in a very serious and scientific manner. That’s all I remembered.

After quite a few futile search stabs with ODIN (the Online Dakota Information Network), I added “satire” to the search and BINGO.

The Snouters: Form and Life of the Rhinogrades by Harald Stümpke (1967)

The Snouters: Form and Life of the Rhinogrades by Harald Stümpke (1967)

Found and bought a good-looking hardcover on eBay and it’s headed my way.

So… Thanks, brain?

Twitter needs to change this to “Moments are not loading at this moment.”

Twitter Moments

Beware of Buns of Steel

Goodnight, Sweet Vixen

vixenatshelter80

I wasn’t supposed to like her.

I had gone to Central Dakota Humane Society looking for a calico, and there were a few. It was great fun meeting them all.

And then I was told there was one more in quarantine along with a sister and two brothers. They had been abandoned during the night at the shelter.

The calico was Patchie — You know her as Cricket these days. There was a black and white boy with an impressive overbite named Sylvester. There was a tumbly orange fella named Nipper. And lastly, there was an adorable doof with orange and white fur and a single canine tooth named Sophia.

I wasn’t supposed to like her.

As I sat on a chair inside the quarantine, Sophia came right up to me, stood up and put her front feet on my leg to check me out, purred, hopped into my lap and then hopped on my shoulder like a parrot.

And then she hopped into my heart. Continue reading

Behold, the Asshole Lane.

Behold, the Asshole Lane (AKA the Testy Twat Triangle). It is found at the intersection of Main Avenue and 26th Street in Bismarck, North Dakota.

Home of the Asshole Lane

Home of the Asshole Lane


Its origin was probably one of good intentions, or at least an attempt to correct a mistake, but all that has long been forgotten. Continue reading