Kids are growing up so fast these days.

It’s fifteen minutes of shame. And potassium.

“Secret camera” my ass.

Uncle Joe isn’t invited to many family gatherings anymore.

Your slogan is & will always be “Finger-lickin’ good.”

Stop trying to come up with a better one.

You won’t.

After tripping over a badly-placed trademark symbol, the Boniva logo found herself in the hospital with a fractured pelvis and shattered radius, ulna and wrist.

Back in the pre-Twitter era, there was a site called Espresso Stories that prepared a lucky few for a world of 140 characters or less by encouraging them to write stories in 25 words or less. I was one of them.

What follows is an archive of 127 of my contributions to that collection from 2003 to 2008, mostly before I discovered the majesty and wonder of the all-powerful tweet. Read the rest of this entry »

General Motors = Beep!

Dow Chemical = Gak!

Smith & Wesson = Bang!

Visa = Debt!

Coca-Cola = Burp!

Nike = Grunt!

Big Lots! = Crap!

Transocean = Oops!

Reluctantly acknowledging larger body types, Victoria’s Secret finally unveiled the name of their new lingerie line.