Looks like Disney spiced up the original story a bit.

The Very Hung Caterpillar

Limited Edition Trump Tic Tac — Grab ’em today!

Trump Orange Tic Tac

It’s gonna be yuge.

Store display poster for M•A•C and Star Trek — Brilliant!

M•A•C and Star Trek

They made it so.

For when simply lame just won’t do.

la mer

what a croc

In Vogue.

In Vogue.

They’re so not cool that they’re cool… to the point of not being cool again… which makes them cool again… making people realize they’re not cool… which isn’t just cool… it’s tres cool… so very not cool.

So… Are you pro-Crocs or no-Crocs?

An Open Letter from Chester Cheetah

Dear America,  Please stop referring to Donald Trump as a “Cheeto”.  Cheetos are a deliciously cheesy snack.  Donald Trump is a dangerous, narcissistic and delusional sociopath.  I hope that clears things up.  Thank you.  Sincerely, Chester Cheetah

A special message from Ernie “The Gurney” Keeber

Ernie "The Gurney" Keebler

After a full day of ritualistically bludgeoning hookers to death, relax with a handful of delicious Keebler Town House Flatbread Crisps!

Pokémon or questionable genital nickname?

magikarp62480

Bulbasaur
Charmander
Weedle
Beedrill
Pidgey
Spearow
Vulpix
Jigglypuff
Oddish
Mankey
Poliwag
Machop
Bellsprout
Tentacruel
Graveler
Slowpoke
Dewgong
Grimer
Cloyster
Gastly
Krabby
Cubone
Lickitung
Rhyhorn
Horsea
Electabuzz
Pinsir
Ninetales
Gyarados
Flareon
Snorlax
Squirtle

Alone in a Park at Night

Last night, I went walking down by the river, looking for Pokémon (It’s exercise!). The sun had set a while before, so things were pretty dark except for the occasional working light in Keelboat Park.

From almost beyond the reach of the light, a man emerged from the parking lot. “Speak Spanish?”

I shook my head and said no.

Approaching me, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, opened an app and spoke into it. The autotranslation was a jumble and he quickly realized it so he tried again with something different.

The translation on the phone said, “look like a woman with a child”.

My first thought was, “Is he calling me fat?”

He was friendly so I dismissed that.

He then pantomimed pushing something at waist height.

Ah! Yes. I had seen a woman pushing a baby stroller down the walking path a few minutes earlier.

I nodded, copied his stroller-pushing movement and pointed the direction I saw her go.

“Five? Ten?”

“Five minutes, yes.” as I held up my hand and five fingers, because I’m a dork.

He said thanks and was walking back to his truck when he turned back around and asked, “Short?”

“Yes, short.” as I held up my hand to about my belly, because she was short and I’m a dork.

He said thanks again and headed off. Nice guy.

I’m glad that you don’t have to speak English to be in this country, because otherwise I would have even less of a story to tell.

Also, he made more sense than many of the English-speaking people I know.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the ending of a radio ad for the Sprint Unlimited Freedom Plan.