I thought I had a chance at this wonderfully odd Williams typewriter invented by John Newton Williams and the first typewriter where the typist could actually see what they just typed (Williams also invented one of the first helicopters and a 3-cylinder motorcycle). It was the first item up for auction. The typewriter went for $1,200. I did not have a chance.
♬ Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs.
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks,
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox,
But not kids with measles,
Because thanks to their anti-vax parents,
They are now dead and can no longer
Love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs.
The dogs kids love to bite!
The kid who sings about wishing to be an Oscar Mayer wiener suffers from childhood deprivation, acting out in desperation to fill the void that cannot be filled. He will soon be consumed by his own emotional hunger, forever longing like a withered gas station roller dog.
Looks like Barnes & Noble might soon have to replace the Paranormal Teen Romance section with a Sassy Self Help and Personal Growth Books with Barely Bleeped Sweary Titles section.
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The inspiration for the 1970s children’s classic, “The Little Penguin Who Hated Science”.
Thanks to this display at an auction, I now know that influenza/flu used to be known as the grippe.
I stayed out of the bidding on a few auction items I wanted, but eventually managed to land this sweet Aultman & Taylor thresher advertising poster as my 2nd and last North Star auction win of the day. It has a pretty savage old-timey insult on their competition I liked, calling them “superior to the flail and an improvement on the devices of ancient Egypt.” It wasn’t until I got it home that I saw a label on the back from the Art Conservation Resource Center — Somebody paid to have this poster restored and preserved back in 1988. Interesting. Further digging found a similar but not exact version of this poster selling for $1,300, and another similar poster with an auction estimate range of $3,000-$6,000. A third one sold in 2012 for $950. The ones I found online have a big “The Aultman-Taylor Thresher and Mounted Horse Power for sale by” underneath the illustration, and mine has a tiny “Chas. Shober & Co., Prop’s Chicago Lith’g Co.” down there. No year listed online or anywhere on the print, and I’m not sure if a restored piece is worth more or less or why mine is different from the ones I found online, but this is still all kinds of neat. Hooray for auctions!
(And if any of you have any clue as to the approximate year this was made, please share!)
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I am pleased to say I went home with the true jewel of the auction.
I was going to bid on this Enna Jettick motorized shoe display (the cat bends the shoe) at an auction, but it quickly went north of a hundred bucks so I behaved myself. Very cool demonstration idea, especially for the era. #branding #display #marketing
My office phone buzzed.
Telemarketer on line one.
I turned to reply.
The back of my timeworn office chair gave.
The chair tipped.
The chair fell.
I tipped.
I fell.
Somehow, I was still in the chair.
Several seconds passed.
“Send them to voicemail, please.”
Monday.
Not the most elegant of euphemisms, but effective nonetheless.
Whisper admonished me for failing to reach a zen state because I stress about things I should no longer care about.
“If you give somebody a perfectly grilled steak and they take it and slather shampoo and gravel all over it and then complain that it isn’t any good, that’s on them, not you. Meow.”
Whisper is wise.
My freshman year of college at Moorhead State University (now Minnesota State University Moorhead) was not a pleasant one.
My first assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was eventually kicked out of the building by our third floor RA. He went on to become a wanted cult leader and was featured in the “Cults, Religion & Mind Control” episode of E!’s THS Investigates.
My second assigned roommate in Neumaier Hall was a fellow who brought and stored an AK-something and a couple of full ammo cans in our dorm room. Blah blah Russian made blah blah Chinese assault blah blah semi-automatic but blah blah filed the blah blah now fully automatic blah blah. On more than one occasion, I’d come home and open the dorm room door to find him naked on his lower dorm bunk, cleaning his rifle. Not a euphemism, although it is also a euphemism. One evening while I was at work, our dorm room was raided by a cop/fed combo and after the RA filled me in later that night, I never saw him or heard about him again.
But the worst part of my freshman year was a TV commercial for Friendly Motors that aired late at night. In it, there was a portly man wearing a white suit and white cowboy hat like Boss Hogg on The Dukes of Hazzard. There might’ve been a donkey or mule standing beside him in the car lot. The man wore a mask and opened the commercial with, “Hi! I’m the Loan Arranger!”
I still have nightmares.
They later demolished Neumaier Hall. I assume they did that so that nobody else had to go through what I went through.
Am I the only one who grew up thinking “astigmatism” was “stigmatism”?
“You have a stigmatism.”
“I have a what?”
“A stigmatism.”
“A stigmatism? Am I dying?”
“No, but when you get older, your contact lenses will be hella spendy.”
(later, to self) “…Lenses?”
While shopping on Amazon for stuff for my cats — Yes, I have cats. — a certain kitten caught my eye. And then caught my eye again. And again. And again. And… well, who know how many times it actually shows up, but here are a few I found. Truly, this is the busiest damn kitten on Amazon.
I love this.
