And that’s why Bob in Accounting is no longer allowed to write advertising copy.

As I trudged through this rambling, convoluted bit of century-old writing, I started to hear it in the voice of Mojo Jojo (Roger L. Jackson) from The Powerpuff Girls and it suddenly became much, much better.

Pierce-Arrow Motor Car Company ad found on the back cover of a 1917 Life magazine.

It still doesn’t explain the blacksmith though.

“Umm… Excuse me, but why am I even in this ad?”

Continue reading

Bill Boley was a madman.

Fresh from an antique store in Bismarck, a 1952 book on how to make different typefaces by hand. Thank God for computers (on the 8th day).

Bodoni the old-old-old-school way. I bodon’t think so.

When you’re not quite sure if that’s a real Burberry ad or a parody Burberry ad.

The end of Sears nears.

Sears, Gateway Mall, Bismarck, North Dakota

when your child needs an enema…

Fleet Enema ad found in Today’s Health magazine, April 1956


Continue reading

Somebody’s going to kern in hell for this.

[twitch]

Shop smart. Type smart.

While at PetSmart, I tried to compare prices at Petco for Natural Balance Peas and Duck formula dry cat food. Thanks, Autocorrect.

peasant dick

Challenge accepted.

You'll never yank at a girdle again!

I had another Kinko’s dream this morning.

I was working the night shift at Kinko’s Copy Center (now FedEx Office) in Grand Forks, North Dakota and a lady came in wanting 54 half-page invites printed on Orbit Orange (I think that was “1A” in Kinko’s code) for a sauerkraut-themed party.

Sure thing, so I took her original at the counter and went back to the copiers and found out that management had switched to that stupid Just In Time inventory management system and there wasn’t enough Orbit Orange paper on the shelf and it was the night shift so I couldn’t order any in time anyway so I’m franticly digging through the back of the store looking for more Orbit Orange paper but I can’t find any.

So, since it’s a sauerkraut-themed party, I suggest maybe printing it on a cream-colored paper since that would be closer in color to sauerkraut, and she’s very kind and agrees but I can tell she’s disappointed.

So I go back to print her invites on cream-colored paper and then I can’t find her original invite to make copies from. So I’m digging all around and the store starts to get busy with more customers coming in but I’m going to find that damned invite. That lady is extremely patient.

So I finally find that original invite and it’s on a work table and just under the tabletop is a shelf that’s out of sight from the counter with a compartment full of heavier-weight Orbit Orange cardstock. Duh! These are 5.5”x8.5” invites so of course they should be copied on cardstock and I have enough to make them in Orbit Orange! She’ll be so happy!

But just as I go to grab the stack of Orbit Orange cardstock, I see that it’s all gone except for a single sheet and the morning person (Hi, Lynn!) who came to replace me had taken and used it for another project that just came in and then I woke up to a text message alert sound and I realized I had slept through five alarms and now I’m totally exhausted.

Introducing Cascade’s most powerful dishwasher detergent ever!

I was at Cascade’s website trying to figure out the difference between Cascade Platinum and Cascade Complete and didn’t see the “Of Clorox” in the list under “Cascade With The Power” and I would totally buy Cascade With The Power instead of Cascade Platinum or Cascade Complete.

Cascade With The Power

Let’s make this happen, people!