While renewing my free subscription for a business publication by “answering a few simple questions”…

URTS so good.

URTS (unperforated restroom toilet paper) — The toilet paper only an office building landlord could love.™


Cricket and Vixen doing what they do best.

When Poets Sell Out — 7 Shameless Examples of Product Placement in Poetry

There are more than a few people who bemoan the proliferation of product placement in today’s entertainment world, but unbeknownst to them, this is not a recent phenomenon. For centuries now, highly respected poets have turned themselves into blemished bards by skillfully plopping a brand into their work in exchange for a bit of money (or a decent bottle of absinthe). After a bit of research, I have found seven blatant examples of this foul practice that you might not have noticed back in English Lit class. Continue reading

The folks at Mystik Lubricants are either incredibly naive or incredibly savvy at marketing.

Lubricaton Domination. Ladies.

Good Lord! He must’ve grabbed almost everyone’s on the field!

Dude missed one.

Life is like a box of odd-toed ungulates.

Me from 2009.

My 1999 prediction for the first Apple wearable — Qwerto!

Note: Back in the 90s, I did a few slogan and jingle contests on my agency’s website and also created the scenarios for each season. What you will find below was one of them. (I hope to have the rest of them preserved here in the near future.)

The PAW! World’s Worst Slogan Game Scenario Number Seven: Project Qwerto

It’s been another run-of-the-mill Monday morning at the ol’ advertising agency. You promptly showed up for work three hours late and have settled into the daily grind of creating marvelous, cutting-edge ads for your admiring roster of global clients. And a small black and white print advertisement for the local babushka factory.

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Just a thought.

Imagining the Chantix commercials if they were required by law to have the actors act out the Chantix side effects.

12 Easy Steps to Really Shine with Social Media

Over the last three months, many exciting and status-quo-shattering advances have taken place in social media: Google’s new sentient social algorithms, Facebook’s beta Extra-Like button and Twitter’s premium 141st-character option, to name but a few. This article will teach you how to best exploit these new opportunities for dynamic social media mastery in only twelve easy steps.
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