Some very interesting words are used to sell this amazing product. My apologies in advance if you are a Victorian hypochondriac.
Alterative — a drug used empirically to alter favorably the course of an ailment
Deobstruent — having the power to clear or open the natural ducts of the fluids and secretions of the body
Scrofula — a condition in which the bacteria that causes tuberculosis causes symptoms outside the lungs
King’s Evil — (AKA scrofula) a tuberculous swelling of the lymph glands, once popularly supposed to be curable by the touch of royalty
White Swellings – a swelling seen in tuberculous arthritis, esp. of the knee
Scrofulous — refers to scrofula, or figuratively, morally contaminated and corrupt
Indolent — lazy or slothlike, or a problem that causes no pain, or is slow-growing and not immediately problematic
Mercurial — characterized by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood
Neuralgia — a stabbing, burning, and often severe pain due to an irritated or damaged nerve.
Tic-Douloureux — a severe, stabbing pain to one side of the face
Goitre — (you might know this as “goiter”) a swelling of the thyroid gland that causes a lump in the front of the neck
Bronchocele (swelled neck) — impacted mucoid secretions within the bronchial tree
Tetter – any of various skin diseases, such as eczema, psoriasis, or herpes, characterized by eruptions and itching, or possibly ringworm for old-timers
Biles — either something having to do with your bile/liver/gall bladder, or going back even further, either of two bodily humours, one of which (black bile) was thought to cause melancholy and the other (yellow bile) anger
Carbuncles — a skin infection that often involves a group of hair follicles. The infected material forms a lump, which occurs deep in the skin and often contains pus.
Dyspepsia — indigestion
Dropsical Swellings — (AKA edema or dropsy) swelling caused by fluid retention
Don’t you feel smarter (and a little bit sicker) now?Continue reading
No matter how nice you were asking,
Karen was totes against masking.
In science she’d scoff
As she said with a cough,
“In Covid I’d rather be basking.”
What a lovely and fashionable girl.
What do you suppose the 1913 ad she was featured in was selling?
Go ahead, take a guess.
An upscale department store?
The season’s latest fur styles?
A vacation to exotic Canada?
What are you, some kind of wise guy!?
It’s an ad for embalming fluid.
D-uh. It’s so obvious now!
Ripley’s has a lovely handful of weird embalming stories just waiting for you.
The next time you’re in Houston, don’t forget to stop at the National Museum of Funeral History. Slogan: “Any day above ground is a good one.”
I know! I’m sad I missed out on this auction too.Continue reading
Wanna lose weight and get in great shape! Eat a shitload of sugar!
On second thought, don’t do dat.
In the Middle Ages, rich and royal people would commission giant sugar sculptures called subtleties.
Artist Kara Walker confected us a modern one and called it “A Subtlety“.Continue reading
I imagine the guys who refuse to wear masks are the same guys who refuse to wear condoms.
Perhaps we should rebrand COVID-19 as Air AIDS.
Earlier, I considered rebranding COVID-19 as Death Breath, but that sounds like something that could be cured with a mint.
And originally, I thought we could change the Coronavirus’ name to Lung Gonorrhea, because Gonorrhea is one of the most awful-sounding words out there, but then I remembered that lung cancer is a very real thing but that doesn’t stop smokers from smoking. Until it does.