Category Archives: product!

Golden Monopoly tokens, old and new, including the iron’s last hurrah.

Monopoly token preference, a close cousin of brand loyalty, is a strong force with most players of the game. Some won’t even play unless they get to play their favorite token, but that’s lucky for the rest of us because these people are usually miserable to play with anyway. But now, if you were an iron, you’re screwed if you play any of the games made from this point on. This Monopoly version with golden tokens, supposedly only available at Target stores while supplies last, is your last chance to be wrinkle free. It also includes the losing tokens in the Hasbro pick-the-new-token contest as well as the winner and iron replacement, the kitty cat.

Token killed: Iron.

Replaced by: Kitty cat.

New tokens that didn’t survive the new token contest to become new tokens: Guitar, robot, diamond ring and helicopter.

Token survivors of old: Scottie dog (now probably barking considerably more), battleship, race car, wheelbarrow, shoe, top hat and thimble.

Lastly, since social media gurus (ninjas, samurais, experts, eggplants, etc.) insist that you’re always supposed to ask a stupid question to trigger engagement…

Which token do you play and why?

The SMEAT smell of success.

The holy grail of fictitious Hollywood food products is now in my possession.

SMEAT!

Life is good. And rather high in sodium.
____________________

SMEAT still needs a good tagline, though. One that can crush “Break The Monotony” for Hormel’s SPAM.

Have a SMEAT.

Tastes like feet. SMEAT.

You can’t beat the SMEAT!

It’s so SMEATy!

Just SMEAT it.

SMEAT yourself right.

It’s not meat; it’s SMEAT!

Enjoy the SMEAT life.

Heat. Eat. SMEAT.

SMEAT me!

Got a better one? Send it in a comment below.

Today in unexpected trademarks.

Hostess Brands, “one of the largest wholesale bakers and distributors of fresh delivered bread and snack cakes in the United States”, might currently be going through another round of bankruptcy, but you just gotta admire a company that takes the time, money and effort to trademark the phrase “The Original Squiggle” for its Hostess Cupcakes brand.

Dress your whisky well.

Of all the Christmas promos and gimmicks we were deluged with this holiday season, my favorite came to me in the mail.

Behold, the Maker’s Mark whisky bottle Christmas sweater!

Although it doesn’t quite jive with the Maker’s Mark TV campaign, I’m more than willing to overlook that little fact because it’s so damned spiffy.

Adtothebone.com approves! Now for next time, make sure some of your fine whisky comes with it too, ‘k?

Unboxing a perk from Klout and Bravo’s Top Chef

Although I’m still a bit hurt and whiney from this week’s new Klout algorithm plummeting my Klout score to unfathomable depths that will surely give me the bends, I did receive a package from them that made things a skosh better.

Apparently, I yap enough about my gastronomic adventures to qualify as a foodie, so this week a package arrived in my Bismarck, North Dakota mailbox from Bravo’s Top Chef via Klout. Big props to the folks that made the creative packaging decisions, because they made the unboxing procedure extra spiffy.

Here, I’ll share the experience with you.

What a lovely red box, alerting my neighbors that I’m ordering body parts through the mail. Continue reading

Hamblor, the god of hamburger lies.

Hardee’s / Carl’s Jr. recently had Hamblor, the god of hamburgers, create their ultimate Steakhouse Six Dollar Burger with all the flavors of a steakhouse, one hundred percent black angus beef, crispy onion strings, A.1. Steak Sauce and crumbled blue cheese.

They said it was glorious.

What I received says otherwise.

Beware of polytheistic fast food, my children.

Truth in Advertising, part 3,405,392: Taco Bell’s Chicken Flatbread Sandwiches Commercial

Most of us know that many commercials use a healthy scoop of hyperbole to help get their messages across. For example, Axe products will get you instantly laid by a flock of cheerleaders, a Lexus will transform you into a highly sophisticated person, Nyquil is tasty, and so on.

Fast food marketing is especially dependent on hyperbole, and to a certain extent, we’ve come to expect it. However, sometimes the distance between perception and reality is so great that it can only serve to disappoint. Yum! Brands’ Taco Bell has perfected this technique, and to demonstrate it, see if you can tell which one of the following images from Taco Bell’s Chicken Flatbread Sandwiches commercial wasn’t actually in the commercial. Good luck!