Uncle Joe isn’t invited to many family gatherings anymore.

Reluctantly acknowledging larger body types, Victoria’s Secret finally unveiled the name of their new lingerie line.

Thank you, Kleenex, for making our lives so much more exciting! I feel faint.

Sold in the United States as “Sour Puckerooms Gummies”, I think we now know how Mr. Wonka controls his poor Oompa-Loompas and the general Oompa-Loompa population.

We can only hope and pray that he never brings Wonka’s Doompety Doo to market.

Back in 1925, an advertising phenomenon was born with the Burma-Shave highway sign campaign, eventually rhyming its way across America and up to the number two brand/sales position for brushless shaving cream. Since then, Burma-Shave’s legendary star may have fallen, but the time is right to hit the information highway and resurrect this legendary product and campaign for the short attention spans and precariously erratic grooming habits of the Internet age. Myself included.

So without further ado, here’s 21 brand-spanking-new Burma-Shave rhyming-type poems to get things rolling again in 2010:

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The Cold Companion Cube, from Apple.

Just be thankful they’re artificially flavored.