20 Righteous Republican Jokes for Republicans Who Think Republican Things Republicanly

1.
Q: Why do Trolls live under bridges?
A: Obama.

2.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: An illegal immigrant took its job.

3.
Q: How did North Korea defeat America?
A: Obama took away all our guns.

4.
Q: What did the terrorist being waterboarded say?
A: Nothing. You can’t talk while being waterboarded.

5.
Q: Why does God hate America?
A: Obama.

6.
Q: Why do liberals oppose fracking?
A: Because they hate America.

7.
Q: Which Republican presidential candidate does Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior endorse?
A: All of them.

8.
Q: Why isn’t the Constitution a living document?
A: Because it’s made of paper.

9.
Q: What did one dinosaur say to the other dinosaur?
A: Trick question! Dinosaurs aren’t real.

10.
Q: When did Jesus write the Constitution?
A: In between sermons.

11.
Q: Why is FOX News fair and balanced?
A: Because all objective news reporting is obviously a vast left-wing media elite conspiracy and truth is a lie.

12.
Q: Should women and minorities be allowed to vote?
A: Only if they’re Republican.

13.
Q: Is calling someone a “libtard” offensive?
A: What are you, a libtard?

14.
Q: Is Obama in cahoots with the devil?
A: No. Obama is the devil.

15.
Q: What was the Founding Fathers’ favorite assault rifle?
A: All of them.

16.
Q: Why do we let the NRA tell us what to think?
A: Because our membership cards get us 5% off at Walmart.

17.
Q: What’s the best way to cook a Northern Spotted Owl?
A: With a liberal watching.

18.
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Doesn’t matter since they banned incandescent light bulbs.

19.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there!?” [BLAMBLAMBLAM!]
“Ergh… pah-pizza deliverherrrrk…”
“Standing my ground!”

20.
Q: Who has the largest penises?
A: Open Carry Patriots!

Leave a Reply