Suburban lesson #37: Know your neighbors.

Discerning that Chris was vulnerable after finishing off several bottles of drugged Heinekens, Doug made his move. Soon, Chris would either be indoctrinated and assimilated into the mysterious Tartan Bonobo cult, or Exalted High Priest Ted, watching patiently from behind, would sacrifice him in an elaborate and bloody ceremony “right after the Sunday Night Football post-game report.”

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