In the time it takes me to piss, I earn more money than the combined GNP of several European countries. I can bed any woman I so choose. I can destroy an emerging competitor with a flick of my wrist and get anyone elected with but a single nod. I am respected and feared by all. And yet, and yet, no matter how hard I train or how badly I cheat, I can’t beat my Filipina head housekeeper’s son at Mario Party 8.