Tag Archives: vintage

My constipation worries are over!

From an ad in a 1959 Cosmopolitan magazine. Horseback riding has many benefits.

♬ Standin’ on your mama’s porch,
You told me that you’d wait forever.
Oh, and when you held my hand,
My constipation worries are over!
Those were the best days of my life.
Oh, yeah.
Back in the summer of ’59, oh.

— If Bryan Adams has written about a decade earlier

Go, Spud, go!

Partial ad from a vintage mag that got me to thinking I should start collecting some of these things.

Say hello to Spud, America’s first menthol cigarette brand.

And no, this name was not focus group tested.

Read its lovely history here.

Is this where the phrase “shit the bed” comes from?

She seems nice.

Another fine gem of a scam from an old romance comic book.

Continue reading

Thanks to an all-too-familiar sensation, Hank realized he sat in fresh cow flop.

1974 Marlboro Magazine Ad

You’d think the smell would’ve given it away, but he’s a smoker so, well, you know.

It’s not just a job, it’s an (cough cough) adventure.

1943 magazine ad for Chesterfield cigarettes

What’s going on here with the Commodore lurking behind the Lieutenant? Is he her friend? Her mentor? her dad? Her lover? Her fashion consultant? A creep? A ghost? A German spy? CURIOUS MINDS WANT TO KNOW! Continue reading

Do you even backgammon, brio… err… I mean, bro?

1974 magazine ad for Roman Brio

Think about it — This ad’s style is ripe for parody.

I’m a narcissist…
so make it all about me.
Everybody’s doing smack…
And I’m willing to shoot some up,
but cocaine’s my bag.
I don’t eat bananas because potassium is cool.
I buy them because they look like bright yellow penises.

Trivia: “Brio” appears to be Italian for “vivacity”, which isn’t exactly the manliest of words. Continue reading

“I’m a maverick?” — John McCain

1974 magazine ad for Maverick Jeans & Sportswear

I have many questions about these three, but I’d rather not get them answered. Continue reading

The Meat For Every Occasion… except for perhaps Bar Mitzvahs.

Uncle George likes his meat solid.

Hormel’s SPAM is infamously “spiced ham”.
Armour’s Treet is a “spiced luncheon loaf”.
Wilson & Co.’s MOR was described as “no bone”, “no gristle” and “solid”. Can’t imagine why they’re not still around. Continue reading

Behold, the Big O!

1943 magazine ad for General Mills Cheerioats (later Cheerios)

General Mills’ Cheerioats was invented in 1941. It didn’t long for Quaker Oats to gripe about the name and threaten legal action, so Cheerioats became Cheerios in 1945. Good thing, because autocorrect hates hates hates “Cheerioats”. Continue reading

You’ve got style! You’ve got flair! Something phallic for your hair!

1974 magazine ad for Vitalis Dry 3

Vitalis Dry 3 is sold in a can that looks like a robot’s penis, but leaves you softer and not as stiff. I’m getting mixed messages here. Continue reading