Category Archives: ads of yore

“It’s like trying to swallow a mouthful of thumbtacks.”*

Black Velvet Blended Canadian Whisky ad from a 1974 magazine.

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Go, Spud, go!

Partial ad from a vintage mag that got me to thinking I should start collecting some of these things.

Say hello to Spud, America’s first menthol cigarette brand.

And no, this name was not focus group tested.

Read its lovely history here.

Is this where the phrase “shit the bed” comes from?

She seems nice.

Another fine gem of a scam from an old romance comic book.

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Thanks to an all-too-familiar sensation, Hank realized he sat in fresh cow flop.

1974 Marlboro Magazine Ad

You’d think the smell would’ve given it away, but he’s a smoker so, well, you know.

Why? Because the neighborhood’s gone to hell since Santa showed up, that’s why.

Jews for Jesus 1984 magazine ad

This headline would have benefitted from a comma.

Keep the Y’shua in Y’shuamas, y’all, or the giant hand of God will grab and smite thee. Continue reading

Polite or Desperate?

Carlton cigarettes magazine ad from 1984

Or rather, polite desperation or desperate politeness?

Blowing Smoke

For those of you who still believe that corporations always have the best interests of Americans in mind, here’s a nice little something from 1984.

(cough) (cough) Bullshit! (cough) (cough)

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You know how a prisoner is offered a final cigarette before being executed by firing squad?…

1974 magazine ad for Old Gold

Eek.

It’s not just a job, it’s an (cough cough) adventure.

1943 magazine ad for Chesterfield cigarettes

What’s going on here with the Commodore lurking behind the Lieutenant? Is he her friend? Her mentor? her dad? Her lover? Her fashion consultant? A creep? A ghost? A German spy? CURIOUS MINDS WANT TO KNOW! Continue reading

Do you even backgammon, brio… err… I mean, bro?

1974 magazine ad for Roman Brio

Think about it — This ad’s style is ripe for parody.

I’m a narcissist…
so make it all about me.
Everybody’s doing smack…
And I’m willing to shoot some up,
but cocaine’s my bag.
I don’t eat bananas because potassium is cool.
I buy them because they look like bright yellow penises.

Trivia: “Brio” appears to be Italian for “vivacity”, which isn’t exactly the manliest of words. Continue reading