Imagining the Chantix commercials if they were required by law to have the actors act out the Chantix side effects.
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“It’s going to take both of us to finally bring down El Dyson.”
“I.. I don’t know if I’m strong enough, Cricket. Remember what El Dyson did to me in Madrid?”
“Of course I remember Madrid, Vixen. I also remember you saying El Dyson must be stopped. I… I can’t do this without you.”
“Let’s do this thing. But first, a nap.”
“Of course. And then perhaps another nap.”
“Of course. For strength.”
Look, Ma! I made the cover!
At a Starbucks:
“VENTI VENTI VENTI!!!”
Buying a toilet at Lowe’s:
“WHY DO I HAVE TO BUY THE WHOLE SEAT IF I ONLY NEED THE EDGE!?!?”
At the ballet:
“YOU CALL THAT A PIROUETTE!?!?”
Deer hunting with his pals:
“IT MUST HAVE SMELLED US!!!”
At a funeral:
“SHE’S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW!!!”
At a ski resort:
“AVALANCHE!!! ANOTHER AVALANCHE!!!”
Discussing the weather:
“IT’S NOT THE HEAT!!! IT’S THE HUMIDITY!!!”
In the kitchen:
At the proctologist:
“MY BOWELS ARE ALREADY SHAKING!!!”
At a public library:
“I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE IN HERE AS EVERYBODY ELSE!!!”
Calling the family cat in at night:
“MISTER WHISKERS!!! MISTER WHISKERS!!! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!”
Checking on his children at midnight:
“ARE YOU ASLEEP!?!?”
An unused illustration by Bob S. from my earlier days of North Dakota advertising.
Framed and hanging on my wall.
This beautifully-realized two-piece wine bottle label is for Carnivor Wines’ Cabernet Sauvignon 2012 (Modesto, California).
I can’t wait to taste what’s inside.
Well done, meat-eaters. Well done.
Take your time. This is a tough one.
In an effort to boost brand recognition during its weekend golf coverage, CBS Sports has modified its sportscaster golf blazers with an additional CBS logo, completing the coveted Nipple Effect.