Branding Nabisco a Little Bit Better

“Triscuit minis”

Tsk tsk tsk… Your product extension naming has gotten a little uninspired, Nabisco!

You did pretty good with Ritz Bits and Nutter Butter Bites, but with Mini Oreo, Mini Nilla Wafers, Mini Chips Ahoy! and now Triscuit minis, you guys are just phoning it in.

C’mon! We can do better! Let’s get out of the rut and do some real branding!

Let’s start with a few names the focus groups will absolutely hate, because that’s always fun to do and helps get it out of their systems…

Trisquarters

Lilliputriscuits

Fourthscuits

Runtriscuits

Diminuitriscuits

Shrimpscuits

Midgscuits

Shrunkscuits

And now several that might fare a little bit better…

Triscuit Petites

Triscuits for Dolls / Gnomes / Elves / Dwarves / Borrowers / etc.

Triscuit Bitscuits

Triscuit Runts (Whoops. Don’t wanna piss off Wonka. How about…)

Runty Triscuits

Now let’s try some consumer-friendly, mind-stickin’ alliteration and consonance…

Tiny Triscuits

Teeny Triscuits

Little Triscuits

And my personal favorites…

Triscuit Little Bits

Teensy-Weensy Triscuits

Teeny-Weeny Triscuits

Itty-Bitty Triscuits

While we’re at it, here’s a bonus suggestion for an umbrella brand name for your entire miniature product line…

NanoNabisco

You’re welcome. Now send me some money and move some units!

Love,
Clay

A Fluffy Farewell

Today my family said goodbye to our huge and fluffy country cat, Fluffy. He was 16.

Actually, he was Dad’s cat, selected from a litter of feral farm kittens somewhere up North not long after I had moved back to Bismarck.

My fondest memories have to be from the late 90s when Dad would occasionally drive into town, come in through the side door of the agency, walk up the stairs while carrying his surprisingly-well-behaved Fluffy in his arms, and look for me. Just to say hi.

Because that was the sort of thing that Dad did.

Dad and Fluffy made quite the pair. And Fluffy managed to live on for over eleven more years after Dad passed away. Mom took over where Dad left off.

But Fluffy had grown old. Limping. Confused. Mom called me during the day to tell me it was time. I agreed, but it still hurt.

I like to think that somewhere high up above, Dad heard a quiet mew that he hadn’t heard in a long, long time. Smiling, he turned around and looked down to see Fluffy staring back up at him. Dad bent down, scooped Fluffy up into his arms, and started walking around to show Fluffy off to his friends.

Because that’s the sort of thing that Dad does.

Rest in peace, Fluffy. And no bitey.

15 Upcoming Pizza Hut Innovations (patents pending)

The Pizzaco™
The Pizza Roll Pizza™
Turduckenza™
The Pizzuritto™
The 200-Piece Interlocking Pizza Puzzle™
The Vegan Pizza Containing Real Vegans™
The Pizza Box Made Of Pizza Containing A Pizza Made Of Cardboard™
Skynet Sentient Za™
The Monsanto™
Just Crust™
Upside-Down Pizza™
(invented by a clumsy delivery boy)
The Cheese-Stuffed-Meat-Stuffed-Cheese-Stuffed-Meat-Stuffed-Cheese-Stuffed Blobizza™
The Dodecagon™
The Percheron™
Zamen Noodles™