Another Close Brush with Burma-Shave 2.0

Back in 1925, an advertising phenomenon was born with the Burma-Shave highway sign campaign, eventually rhyming its way across America and up to the number two brand/sales position for brushless shaving cream. Since then, Burma-Shave’s legendary star may have fallen, but the time is right to hit the information highway and resurrect this legendary product and campaign for the short attention spans and precariously erratic grooming habits of the Internet age. Myself included.

So without further ado, here’s 21 brand-spanking-new Burma-Shave rhyming-type poems to get things rolling again in 2010:

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The Internet / Is pretty neat / But fuzzy faces / Shouldn’t tweet / Burma-Shave

Your Facebook friends / Look rather dapper / Your whiskery mug’s / Straight from the crapper / Burma-Shave

Originally made / For stubbly faces / We’re also good / For private places / Burma-Shave

Check your email / Your DMs too / The Grizzly Adams / Look is through / Burma-Shave

Wedcam video’s / Unforgiving / We’ll help you fake / The way you’re living / Burma-Shave

You look like a hobo / Sad but true / We bet you’re using / MySpace too / Burma-Shave

Wondering why / You get no texts? / Your scratchy whiskers / Leave her vexed / Burma-Shave

If social media’s / Your prime obsession / Don’t forget the joys / Of a make-out session / Burma-Shave

If you shave yourself / We guarantee / She’ll be all over you / Like Nintendo Wii / Burma-Shave

Your beard is patchy / Just like mange / Modern ladies / Want a change / Burma-Shave

Your five-o’clock shadow / From networked games / Will shoot your love life / Down in flames / Burma-Shave

Your avatar / Gets all the whistles / Your real-world self / Grows piggy bristles / Burma-Shave

Letting it go’s / A misdemeanor / So shave a heart shape / Above your wiener / Burma-Shave

The disheveled look / that hipsters like / Is why they’re told / To take a hike / Burma-Shave

Goths and emos / Dressed in black / A fresh-shaved face / Brings sexy back / Burma-Shave

Electric razors / So 2.0 / But the mighty blade’s / The way to go / Burma-Shave

Athletes know / To avoid disaster / A total shave / Will make them faster / Burma-Shave

An open mind / A daily lather / Much better than / That troll tweet blather / Burma-Shave

I’ll admit / I’m often scruffy / That’s why I’m single / And not with Buffy / Burma-Shave

Growing beards / Like God intended / Leaves the ladies / Quite offended / Burma-Shave

Shaggy’s love life / Was a yawn / But Fred and Daphne / Got it on / Burma-Shave

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