Kids are growing up so fast these days.

“Secret camera” my ass.

Uncle Joe isn’t invited to many family gatherings anymore.

Your slogan is & will always be “Finger-lickin’ good.”

Stop trying to come up with a better one.

You won’t.

After tripping over a badly-placed trademark symbol, the Boniva logo found herself in the hospital with a fractured pelvis and shattered radius, ulna and wrist.

General Motors = Beep!

Dow Chemical = Gak!

Smith & Wesson = Bang!

Visa = Debt!

Coca-Cola = Burp!

Nike = Grunt!

Big Lots! = Crap!

Transocean = Oops!

Reluctantly acknowledging larger body types, Victoria’s Secret finally unveiled the name of their new lingerie line.

Writing is a craft not an art.

MILLER LITE

DIGI-MAN: “If it was up to me, brewers wouldn’t even dream of making a less-filling beer unless it tastes great.”

[ON SCREEN: Tastes great, less filling. Or at least we used to be.]

DIGI-MAN: “In fact, they’d spend all their time dreaming up ways to give us more hops for our money.”

[ON SCREEN: Triple hops brewed, whatever that means.]

DIGI-MAN: “I guess… I’d just like to see a little more beer and a little less calories, you know?”

[ON SCREEN: Available in watered-down 40s.]

DIGI-MAN: “If it was up to me, they’d spend a lot more time worrying about me getting my buzz on and my expanding waistline.”

[ON SCREEN: Please drink in moderation. Not really.]

VOICEOVER: Beer rules. At Miller Lite, beer rules. Are you ready to drink?

[LOGO / URL]

___________

MCDONALD’S

DIGI-WOMAN: “I thought fast food restaurants were there to help me with my healthy diet decisions. So where’s that help when I need it?”

[ON SCREEN: You can choose between fried and deep-fried!]

DIGI-WOMAN: “If I could change one thing, we’d all get a ton of reconstituted onions just for ordering a sandwich.”

[ON SCREEN: Our Big Mac has some, and a lot of other stuff too. You know the song.]

DIGI-WOMAN: “Shouldn’t I be able to talk about increasing my cholesterol levels without it costing a fortune?”

[ON SCREEN: It's not polite to talk with your mouth full.]

DIGI-WOMAN: “If I had it my way, fast food restaurants would be falling all over themselves to help me with my fast food choices.”

[ON SCREEN: "Have it your way" is Burger King, bitch.]

VOICEOVER: Fast food rules. At McDonald’s, fast food rules. Are you ready to eat fast food?

[LOGO / URL]

Thank you, Kleenex, for making our lives so much more exciting! I feel faint.